My Mess, My Mission
How did this happen? How can my overwhelm possibly inspire others?
Be honest. Be vulnerable. Throw it out there.
I haven’t written in a while. I think perhaps because of the most recent overwhelm in my life. The overwhelm of mind clutter; fear, anxiety, frustration and self-pity. Everything I am here to help you overcome. I’m embarrassed and humbled by the continual struggle I have with these issues. It’s a battle to the end.
This mind-set many times starts with a decline in my health. The memories of this arduous journey to wellness are still so raw, so recent and near the surface that when I start getting symptoms that are similar to what I have drug myself through, I get into a panic and relive it in my mind. I begin believing I am headed backward. The pit of despair is real close at hand.
Enter pity-party mode. My Lyme doctor was a bit taken aback on a recent Skype appointment. She said she’d never seen me like this before. And she was in it with me during the worst of the worst. Maybe I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, having pain, still working at getting rid of bugs now going on 8 years. Maybe I am scared that the fight will never end. And what is the point…blah, blah, blah. Woe is me. Blech…I can hardly stand to type the truth of my regression.
A friend of mine not long ago mentioned she hadn’t seen me on Facebook recently. She said, “Aren’t you feeling well?” She nailed it. And I had pulled back for more reason than one. I am thankful she helped me see it. I was feeling unwell in several areas.
Digging and scratching my way out of the pit; I was reminded I am not in this alone.
I was blessed to attend a women’s ministry brunch a few weekends ago. Life is hard for every person on this planet. Thankfully there is so much beauty, love, and compassion all around us that we can encourage one another.
So why do I feel led to keep at this and share my seemingly obvious failures with you? Why do I think my mind mess and years of accumulated clutter physically, emotionally, and spiritually could be of help to you? After all, it seems it would be much easier to concede to exhaustion, frustration, and the ease of complacency.
This is why. The Lord keeps on knocking. He keeps taking me back after my mistakes. Stories of amazing people in far worse circumstances are brought back to light for my study. And perhaps as the proverbial 2x4 that is needed again and again. Thankfully, the following icon did not buckle under his circumstances. I could write a book about what I’ve learned recently from only one faithful follower, Joseph. He was betrayed, abandoned, sold, slaved, gained respect, betrayed again, wrongly accused, prisoned, and forgotten. Instead of wallowing in self-pity he remained faithful, kept working, and blessed others in every situation and circumstance he was thrown into. He believed in his calling and stayed at it.
And so this is what I intend to do:
Strongly encourage one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” Hebrews 3:13